I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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