Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
