I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
