i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
