Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize