u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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