next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
