I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
