He is an equal opportunity slut.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
