I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm passing your future prison.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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