come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
