She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
