So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
