During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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