Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
