I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
