Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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