I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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