dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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