so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
