i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
