I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Two words: blizzard sex
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
