i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
