when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
