Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize