There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you win again, gameday.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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