As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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