He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize