So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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