I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
