Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
