i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
