I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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