god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
