I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
