Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
