I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
