She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
