If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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