if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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