rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
