I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
