hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
