Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
