Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
