When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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