I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
