I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
