so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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