Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
