Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
