i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
