My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
