just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize