Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
