Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
