Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize