i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
