So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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