Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
