At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
