You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
