Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
