God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
