I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She needs sedatives and a leash
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
