Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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