sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
