I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
