I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
