I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just pee around me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
