'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
