Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to calm my uterus...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
