im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
