Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
