why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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