whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
no you cant smoke seaweed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
