bring money and cleavage
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
