as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
