Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
