I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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