I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
