Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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