I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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