ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
