Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
