I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
